Getting my teeth kicked in again

I had a decent day going until about 10 this morning. Thats when my wife called me and asked if I could watch our daughter for a week while she goes out of town. HUH!?!?! Where the hell are you going I asked her. Colorado. What is she going to Colorado for? Vacation. How the hell can she afford to go to Colorado when she has no job, and can't even afford to give our daughter money for school lunches? To say I was hurt would be the understatement of the year. She tells me her "friend" (a new one btw) is going to take her, because the person who was supposed to go couldn't. I asked her how long she had been fucking this guy. She told me "its not like that" BULLSHIT!!! He's a guy! If he is taking her to Vail, Colorado at the height of the ski season, it is going to cost at least $5000! And he's not getting some? Thats a load of shit! I told her that he is planning on getting some of it, but she still said "it's not like that" She is 43 years old. How can she be that naive?

So I came home from work and she is here to drop our daughter off. She has my digital camera and download cable in hand and says she is borrowing this. What the hell for? I was still so pissed off at her that I just told her to get out and do whatever the hell she wants to do. Then me being the mature adult I am, I went in to my bedroom and slammed the door and cried. Unfortunately I know my daughter heard that.

I did tell her today to file for divorce because the gravy train is over. She told me she hadn't filed already because she want s me to get the new house, but when the divorce is final, if I don't have custody of our daughter I have to get out, so I will lose the new house. She seems to think that rotating custody will solve that. I don't. I see me having to move again within 6 months. Maybe something will happen to her while she is "on vacation" and it will leave my daughter to me. Why does that make me feel like an evil person?

Why does she have to tear my heart apart time after time? Why do I keep letting her?

Make a nice day.

Trust

Trust is a funny thing. It isn't something that is freely given, but earned over time. One small misdeed can cause you to lose trust of someone completely. After that it is damn near impossible to trust that person again. As much as we want to trust them, it just won't happen. Why do I say this? I am coming to the realization that I will never trust my wife again. Since I can't trust her, why should I desire to have a relationship with her? How will this affect the way I trust other women in the future? Where is the great sage to answer all my questions when I need them answered. Make a nice day.

Time

I hear people say that time heals all wounds. My question is, how much time does it take to heal all wounds?

Picture

I took this picture last night on the way home from dinner. We stopped at the beach just so I could take it. It is kind of dark but I don't have the software to lighten it yet. Hehe!

Loneliness

I think the hardest thing I am dealing with now is the sense of loneliness. I have my daughter here about every other night and most of the weekends, but it doesn't help with the loneliness. I have a friend I talk to on IM and the phone frequently, but she is over a 1000 miles away. When I wake up in the middle of the night in my bed all alone, that's when it is the worst. At that point in time I want to hold someone and feel loved and wanted. What I have now is a pillow, loneliness, and regrets. Tell your lover how much you love and appreciate them. Make a nice day.

Some people suck

I have noticed that several people have had to change their blog or it just disappeared recently. I hate to see that. Lilith disappeared and then Candi went MIA. Now Gigi is going to go away. There have been others that go away but then come back. Sometimes the reason is personal, other times it is because of outside influences. Those outside influences are assholes sometimes. Why do some people feel the need to hurt others? Why can't we all just live and let live? Make a nice day.

Slacker

I'm such a damn slacker. I haven't done an HNT in a couple weeks and I feel like I have missed out on some opportunities to show my nekkidness. I hope to correct this next week. I know I haven't even really had a chance to surf HNT's so I know for a fact I have missed out. I will be trying to catch up though. Now I should get back to pretending to do work.

Inspections

This morning we had a uniform inspection. Full Service Dress Blues. It sucked. Standing at attention then parade rest, then attention, then parade rest, then attention. What a bunch of fun. We were supposed to form up at 0700. I got here at 0645 and started to put my jacket and tie on. Couldn't find my tie. Evidently I had taken it out of my uniform bag that it is normally in. $*&*&$%^%^. So I had to run back home to get it and hopefully make it back in time to fall in unnoticed. Luckily by the time I got back they hadn't formed up yet. Lots of fun. So far that has been my morning. Make a nice day.

Bad Feelings

I woke up this morning with a bad feeling and don't know why. When my wife came over to get my daughter for school I hugged her and started crying and don't know why. What the hell is going on with me?!? What a shitty way to start a day. Anyway, I hope you all make a nice day. Tell your pookie how much you love them, stop by the florist and buy a rose or two for them.

Dreams

Sometimes dreams can leave you wishing you hadn't gone to sleep. I had a dream last night about a friend of mine who is in Iraq. In this dream she was in some kind of a caravan of vehicles and the inevitable happened. It was a horrible dream. I haven't talked to her since the end of September when I sent her a birthday card and she informed me of where she was heading. So having a dream about her and that happening has me bothered. I sent her an email and asked her to avoid anything that resembled a caravan of vehicles. I know that in the military we do what we have to do when we are told to, but I hope she can avoid it. I also hope that I am just a paranoid freak and nothing happens. I can only hope.

Sorry for no paragraphs today. Make a nice day.

Touch

I have to admit that I have been feeling very lonely lately. Over New Years my wife gave me several hugs and they made me feel good. Just the touch of another human being felt nice. Yesterday I was feeling very lonely and unwanted and hoped that I would get a hug from her. I didn't. Even when I asked for one she was busy watching a TV show, so I just left after telling my daughter goodnight. I got a hug from my daughter, but it isn't the same as a hug from an adult female.

It seems like every morning I wake up, cold and lonely and can't really see a good reason to get out of bed except that I am in the military and I have to go to work, or I need to get my daughter ready for school.

All I really wanted for my birthday was for her to hug me and hold me and tell me it would be ok. Even if it was a lie.

Make a nice day.

Birthday

Well I got older today. 36. When I was a teenager, I thought I would be dead by now. Funny how your life can change and how quickly nothing is the same.

I haven't been posting lately because of work, and also I am studying to test for Master Sergeant in a couple of months. I really need to make rank so I can afford to pay bills. Hehe. Maybe I should quit buying crap. The hell with that. I decided to get me a new cell phone so I bought a Black RAZR. :D

Alright, I need to get back to doing stuff. Make a nice day!

More work

Well I had to come back to work today. I really didn't want to, but I did anyway. I took my time dragging my ass out of bed and was late to work by a few minutes. Fuck em. When I got here I was informed that due to an upcoming inspection we would be working till 6 every night. Well fuck you very much! What a lovely day so far. And it is dragging so horribly slow! I wonder if a car accident would get me out of work for a few weeks. Ahh too much pain involved with that.

I have a question for the ladies who read my blog. If you go over to a bachelors house, when you use the bathroom, do you put the seat back up? or do you leave it down? Why do men get thought less of if they fail to put the seat down at a womans house? Are women so dependent on men to put the seat down? Do you not look first? Sorry that double standard just irritates me.

Finally time for lunch. Make a nice day.

Overdue

I went on vacation for Christmas. Anybody figure that one out? I took my daughter and went to my Mother-in-laws. Yep. Go figure. It was a good time overall, but since my wife hasn't told her family anything other than we are separated and are divorcing they of course want to ask me whats going on and why is she acting so strange. I just couldn't bear the shame of telling them that she cheated on me. Yes I know it isn't any shame on me for her actions, but thats just how I feel. Anyway.

I got to meet my step-daughters boyfriend. He seems nice enough, but I didn't get a chance to take him out in the woods and interrogate him. Maybe next time I go up there. Bring a 9mm and see if he wants to go to the range. Hehehe...

My niece told me something that my step-daughter told her. I can't quote it exactly but, it did bring me to tears. Basically it was that she had two fathers, but only one true Dad. She didn't know this until she went to her fathers house to live with him two years ago and figured out that I was the only true Dad she had. It brought me to tears just hearing that she loved me like that. She did give me a lot of hugs when I got there and was happy to see me, but when I heard that she had told her cousin that, well I did have to leave the room. I didn't let her know that her cousin told me. But I was happy.

I hated to leave and come back to this house, but I need to get groceries and a haircut, and take the cat to the vet, again.

I had a huge long post typed up, but when I read it before posting I decided that I didn't want to put it all out there so I have shortened it a lot. I still rambled some though.

I didn't want to post from my MIL's computer because she is the curious type who wants to see where the grandkids are going on her computer and I don't want her reading my blog. I just don't want to deal with that hassle. She wouldn't be upset with me, but it would still upset her. She gave me her old computer and flat screen so I can update my daughters computer. Nice. A nine year old who has a flat screen monitor.

I have been trying to keep up on everyones blogs that I read, but there were a few that I didn't dare to go to on my MIL's computer. Much as I love going to see them it would be worse than going to it at work if she found it!!

Time to post this. Tell your snookie that you love them and let them feel it also. Make a nice day.