Weekend

Well this weekend sucked ass bigtime. I took my daughter to a medievel faire which was ok. My wife refused to go because she had so much homework to do. Did she do it? Nope. She claims she couldn't find any information at the library or on the internet. Saturday night she was talking to me and laughing, I started to rub her butt she pushed my hand away and pulled her pajamas down to cover it completely. To say I was hurt is an understatement. I asked her what were we doing. Why was she treating me this way. She told me she didn't know why. There were numerous other questions about our relationship. I finally told her that I thought she should move into the other bedroom. I then cried for several hours. I fell asleep after 1:30 but I woke up at 4:00. I laid in bed until 6:00 then finally got up. I drank my coffee and got ready for church, I was still upset. I couldn't sit around the house anymore so I went in to my office and cried for about an hour. Then I went home. SHe was just finishing getting dressed. I asked her again why she was treating me like this and if she knew just exactly how lonely she was making me. She said she knew how lonely it was and asked if I liked it. We talked for about an hour until I had to go to church. Some of the things I brought up were her conversations with dickhead, some other man giving her flowers on Valentines day, the fact that she has used up several time cards for her cell phone, but that she was never talking to me with it so who was it she was talking to. I asked her if there was someone else. She didn't answer those questions. When I asked her why she wasn't trying to work this out she said that she could only focus on one stressful event at a time and right now it was her school work that she was focusing on, and that she couldn't deal with this stuff now. I asked her if she expected me to just wait until her classes were over in two months to try to save our marraige, again she said it was just too much stress right now. I asked her how stressful would it be for her to get served with divorce papers. She agreed that that would be very stressful. I told her that she was going to have to work on our marraige whether she felt like it or not. She seemed to get the idea that I was not going to be a doormat anymore. Last night was more homework for her and me falling asleep in front of the tv. I finally woke up and did my nightly chores then went to bed. She actually came to bed when I did, but she had to shave her legs. She turned the tv on and then turned the lights out. I fell asleep before she actually came to bed. I vaguely remember her changing the station while laying in bed but that is it. This morning she was slightly more friendly when I left for work, but it still wasn't the way it should be. I guess I will be strung along like a doormat for a few more weeks. Time for me to post this monster.

Friday

Welcome to another day in Space Coast Florida! Today is still too early to tell how I will feel today. I am trying to be happy, but just not really feeling it. I played racquetball for two hours yesterday and got my butt kicked many times. I think I scored eight points in all total. It's not that I suck at it either, but the guys I play with are that good. One of them has been playing longer than I have been alive, so you'd think he would be a little slower. Nope not him, he is very quick and has some of the luckiest shots I have ever seen!

Tomorrow I am contemplating going to a Rennaissance Faire a couple of hours south of here. I don't know if my wife is going to go with me and my daughter, but I am at the point where I am not sure if I really care anymore. She keeps coming up with reasons why she can't go with me. If I go I am taking her car and her cell phone in case something happens. I am taking her car because mine is a 1970 Olds Cutlass. It runs very well, it just sucks gas big time! Time for me to do something.

Another day, Another nickel

Today is just another day. Had a nice lunch yesterday, nothing special. I had some mac and cheese with my daughter for dinner. Had to get up an hour earlier than usual today so I could fill in for one of my guys on the early shift. Not a lot of fun this early. The only good thing is leaving early. Doing the same thing tomorrow too. Better go do some work.

Nothing

Nothing new here really. My wife seemed very unhappy this morning. I don't know why. Maybe her boyfriend left or something. Maybe the fact that I haven't been all after her lately is finally getting to her. I don't know. We are going to lunch today. Trying a new place, so hopefully the food will be good. Thats all for now I guess.

Tuesday

Had a nice quiet weekend. Got depressed yesterday though. Nothing new there. I went to the education office this morning to register for Beginning Algebra but the counselor wasn't there yet, and evidently I have to talk to a counselor. I will go back around 1030 I guess. Take a bit of a long lunch. Hopefully it doesn't fill up before then. I have to take this one in order to take the one that will give me the credit I need. This should be a lot of fun. I guess I better start looking like I am doing something productive.

Nice Day

Today has been a pretty nice day so far. I woke up in a good mood and when I went home for lunch my wife told me to take her to BBQ for lunch. I put the peanut butter and jelly away quick! I wonder if there is some sort of corollary to the fact that when I am in a good mood I have much less to say than when I am depressed. Some scientists should do a study on that. Have a nice weekend!!

Shower Time

Had another wonderful morning in the shower. I asked my wife while she had soapy hands if she could help me out, she said she knew I was going to ask, then told me she had to wash our daughter up this morning. What does that have to do with a little personal time in our shower? Oh well. At least last night I was able to snuggle a little.

Depressed

News flash! I'm depressed yet again! Yeah, like that is news. Why is it that my wife can dedicate time for all sorts of things, but not for her husband? Am I really that needy? She barely acknowledges me in the morning, at lunch time she is busy doing schoolwork, after work she is either going to school, doing schoolwork, or watching TV. When I try to get a few minutes, she always remembers something she forgot like emptying the dishwasher or checking on her laundry. She doesn't have a job outside of the home. She is a stay at home mom. What does she do all day that she can't get everything done so she can spend time with me? And forget about bedtime, she is too tired to do anything. She won't even allow me to spoon because it makes her sweat. She won't hold my hand either. I think if I got sent to Iraq for a tour she would be ecstatic. Probably pack my bags for me and drive me to the airport say goodbye and drive off. I asked her last night how much money was in our daughters college fund. She said she didn't know and would have to look it up. I sure hope she didn't just spend the money that my grandfather left me. It was supposed to go into our daughters college fund. I need to get some work done before I get really depressed and off myself here at work.

No Love on V-Day

Yep no love on Valentines Day. I gave her flowers, a present, and a card. We had a nice evening together after our kid went to bed. She showed me how much she can deep throat on a wine bottle, I figured I was going to get lucky. Nope. Went to bed I started slow just lightly tickling the back of her knee and thigh, then she tells me to stop she was tired. Hmmm, whats wrong with that picture?

Also, a "friend" at the gym gave her roses yesterday! I think I am being a doormat and being walked all over. She told me about the flowers at lunch, telling me jokingly that her boyfriend gave them to her. My attitude changed real quick so she told me it was just some old man who she talks to at the gym. Yeah right, and I got a 12 inch dick!!

V Day

What a crappy day. Valentines day sucks. I get flowers, a nice card, and a gift card to Victoria's Secret for my wife. What does she get me? I don't know, haven't seen anything yet. Somehow I doubt that she will get me anything. Why do I think that? It's just a gut feeling. I didn't even get a real kiss this morning, just a peck on the lips. So I told her that I loved her and came to work. This day sucks so far.

Friday

I hate this roller coaster ride called "Love". Then again I love this roller coaster ride sometimes. Why does it have to hurt so much when you love someone? I woke up about 0400 this morning freezing, so consequently I tossed and turned trying to get somewhat warm. The only thing I didn't do was snuggle up to my wife because then she would have gotten mad at me for waking her up. She got mad at me for tossing and turning though so I lost out anyway. I told her that if she didn't want me tossing and turning then she shouldn't complain when I snuggle up to her to get warm. She then let me spoon with her for a little while until I had to get up. So after my shower I hugged her and she gave me a paeck on the lips for a kiss so I asked why that was all she would give me for a kiss anymore. She asked me to stop saying that, so I told her that she used to actually kiss me and not just give me a peck on the lips. She stared at me for a minute then she actually kissed me like she used to. So consequently I'm in a good mood today.

They opened a Whataburger here about two weeks ago!! I think dinner is going to be Whataburger!!

Unloved and Unwanted

Well it happened again, I had a bunch of text typed in, then I hit some key combination and it erased all I had typed. I guess I will start over.

I am feeling somewhat depressed today. It seems as though my importance to my wife is somewhere below laundry and emptying the dishwasher. She made a schedule out so that she can try to get everything done with all her school work and such. She has time scheduled for our daughter, time for studying, time for working out, time for doing the laundry, cleaning the house, relaxing and watching TV, etc. Does she schedule time for her husband? Nope! When I asked her when she intended to make time for me, she said it wasn't like that. Maybe from her point of view it isn't, but from my point of view it damn sure is. I come home for lunch to spend some time with her and she decides that she has to study during the time I am home. She doesn't hardly give me any attention at all, let alone affection! So consequently I feel rather unloved and unwanted. Now I know what the ads mean when they say, "Married and Lonely".

Married and Lonely II

Back to being lonely again. Tried to snuggle up last night and was told to go away, so I was cold all night again. Tried to kiss my wife this morning, but she wouldn't do more than a peck on the lips. I guess since we filed our taxes last night and the return is going to her account she doesn't feel the need to pretend anymore. I wish I knew what was going through her mind.
I ordered her Valentines flowers yesterday. They are supposed to be delivered Saturday. I wonder if she will be here to receive them.

Warm

Things are starting to warm up here on the Space Coast. I hope it gets much warmer real soon, although that means that I will have to start mowing again. Can't say too much about anything else. I almost let my daughter stay up too late last night. We were playing a game on the PS2 and I didn't realize how late it was. She made it to bed on time though. Her room didn't get cleaned but we had fun. Time for lunch. I need to take some Tylenol also. My headache just won't go away.

Speech

My wife is starting to get mad at me. She is taking a speech class, so she has to prepare speeches and give them. Well this past week she has been practicing her informative speech and my daughter and I have been the audience. My wife has practiced it so much that I almost have it memorized as well. So she gets mad at me when I am giving the speech as she is almost word for word. I realize it isn't helping her, but she is getting too serious about it and I figure she needs a little humor now and then. I better get back to work. Who am I kidding? I gotta get back to reading blogs!

Weekend

Had a good weekend. Can't think of anything else to say. I'm drawing a blank. I know I was going to post something Saturday morning, but forgot to. It must not have been important. Have a nice day!

Drink

I eyed the vodka again today at lunch. Too bad I have a conscience, otherwise I could be feeling somewhat better by now. I tried to get my wife to go eat lunch with me today, but she said she had too much homework to do. When I got home for lunch, she was practicing her speech so I didn't bother her, just found myself something to eat and listened to her talk. She was in the computer room and I was in the kitchen. She went through it a couple times and then went to get a box so she could pull her props out of it. After she ran through it again, she went to the bedroom to do something. I was standing at the kitchen sink staring out the window when she came up to me, I didn't even see her there at first, when I turned to her she gave me a kiss and then hugged me for a minute. I felt much better then. It's probably what kept me from hitting the vodka. I hope this evening before she goes to school is nice as well, since I am on standby this weekend and can't really drink. The military sorta frowns at being drunk on duty. Time to go surf some more blogs I guess. Some of these people are seriously messed up!

Unloved or unwanted?

Been trying to figure out what it is, am I unloved or unwanted, or probably both. It seems like everything I do means nothing to my wife. I get the feeling lately that she is waiting around until we get my tax refund. She doesn't work, hasn't since she was pregnant with our youngest who will be nine in a few months. Somehow she talked me into putting the refund into "our" savings account, which is actually hers. Seems now she has decided that it is her "plastic surgery/college" account and is going to use it until it is gone. I'm glad I decided to open a college account for our youngest and put what little money I got from my grandfather into it instead of "our" savings account. I wonder if I should insist on putting the tax refund into that account as well.
I wonder lately if it is all just in my head that my wife doesn't love me anymore. Am I doing something to drive her away? It seems that I have never been lonelier in my life. Even when I was single with no prospect of a girlfriend or even a date I was still happy. Now that I have been married for 11 years I am "Married and Lonely."

Lunch

Lunch sucked today. It has been so many years since I have truly wanted a drink at lunch that I can't remember it. I was eyeing the vodka and the mix and wondered if I could actually do it. I finally decided that no I couldn't, but damn I still want one!

Dreary day

Its another dreary day today. Seems like I am unloved in my own home. All the kisses I can get from my wife seem like she is kissing a friend hello or goodbye, not someone she loves. Then again she doesn't always tell me she loves me when I tell her that I love her. I am currently giving her the benefit of the doubt and assume that she just doesn't hear me. I am getting rather lonely at home though.

still cold

I am still freezing. They put a new AC system in here at work and they were coming around checking it yesterday. Turns out the thermostat here in this room has no power so consequently the AC is blowing as cold as it can, as hard as it can, all the time! No wonder it is a friggin ice box in here!

Second try

For my second try at posting a long one today.

Last night I was watching TV while my wife was studying in the bedroom. The DVR came on and asked if I wanted to cancel one of the shows that was preparing to start recording, I told it no and kept watching what I was watching. 30 seconds later it switched to one of the shows. I was frustrated because even though we have two TV's in the house I couldn't watch what I wanted to watch because evidently I am too nice. I decided to just go to bed. My wife was still studying in there when I went to bed. I don't know when she finally stopped studying, when she came to bed or even turned the lights out. For all I know she didn't even kiss me good night. Not that she ever does. I always kiss her. Am I pathetic or what?

cold

Well I had a real long post and somehow I hit some control + something key combination and it all went away. F^ck!!!

Thinking

I've been thinking today. (Dangerous I know) I have been thinking that maybe my wife is starting to figure out how much it hurts me when she ignores me or says she wants to be by herself. I hope our relationship starts improving soon.