My post

Wednesday I didn’t get out of work till after 5 pm. Sucks but it happens. Thursday (Thanksgiving) I got up early and put the turkey in, surfed HNT’s awhile, made mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, and green beans. My wife came over and brought my daughter with her. We had a nice meal together, to me it was very enjoyable. My wife left about 1 pm. I know she went to her friends to celebrate Thanksgiving there. I understand that she feels the need to move on since she no longer wants me. I had to go back in to work around 8 pm so she came back and watched our daughter while I did this. I had to go back in Friday also and asked her if she could pick our daughter up around 1 pm so I could go in and work on the stuff I needed to. She said 5 would be better for her. Well dammit!! Alright fine. Around 3:45 Friday I called her cell to find out if she wanted to meet somewhere and eat before I went in to work. I got her voicemail, so I left her a message to call me. She finally calls me back at 4:15, and I asked her about dinner, etc. she tells me she can’t because the movie is getting ready to start! WTF??!! Its 4:15 and she is supposed to pick our daughter up at 5!! I was so stunned that she would be this flaky when she used to be the most responsible person I ever met! How can she do this? I was upset but I didn’t say anything. I went ahead and went to work and had to leave my daughter in the car because I can’t bring her in the building. It is a strictly controlled access building. I was only inside for about 15 minutes. I hated to do that but I didn’t have anywhere else to take her. After that we went grocery shopping, took them home and then went to Japanese for dinner. I figured I would just drop my daughter off at my wife’s apartment. She wasn’t there when we got there. It is past 7 pm already. So I call her to see how long till she will be home. She then laughs and says, “well, I’m out of town” Again, WTF!!?? She tells me it will be awhile until she gets, so I just told her not to bother coming to pick our daughter up since it would be too late. I know I didn’t do a very good impersonation of being strong in front of my daughter because she heard me sniffling and trying to hide the tears. She asked me if I was crying and I just told her that Daddy’s don’t cry. When we got home I let her watch TV for awhile before bed, then tucked her in and said prayers. She asked me if Mama would be picking her up and I told her that no she wasn’t. Then she asked “well how far out of town is she?” I didn’t think she heard that part of the conversation, but 9 year olds have big ears I guess. All I could think to tell her was “please don’t ask”. Not a very good answer at all, but I just couldn’t handle it anymore. Saturday my wife showed up around 11 am while our daughter was eating lunch. I was sitting out in the screen room trying to keep from breaking down. She came out there and waited for me to acknowledge her. I waited until she spoke. She said “Well I guess I have to apologize again!” I told her that she didn’t have to apologize to me, that she had already left me. She needed to apologize to our daughter because she wanted to spend time with her. My wife told me not to get fooled by her, that all she really wanted was to go play with the girls that live near there. It doesn’t matter what the reason is that she wants to spend time at mama’s house. If that’s where she wants to be then she needs to let her spend time there. It was some more talking and I am not going to go into all of it, but it was more of the same. Then she started telling me that she has to suffer because I have credit card bills! WTF?! She left me, that’s why she is suffering! I’m giving her enough money to pay her rent and buy groceries, plus I am making her car payment for her! Why do I do this you ask? Because of my daughter. Then she asked if I had done anymore work on the divorce paperwork. I told her that I had reprinted the child custody one, because she had marked that she would have custody instead of rotating custody like we agreed. She told me that she marked it that way so that she would get child support! So now I see, she wants to have custody of our daughter so that she can get money. I told her that I would give her $500 a month if she would give me custody, and then she wouldn’t have to worry about being responsible. I told her that she would be able to move to where she could go to college for the degree she wants until she graduates. She got really nasty and said she wasn’t going to go to that school, that she wasn’t going to move away from this area. So evidently her “friend” doesn’t want her to go anywhere. Am I weak for wanting to make sure my daughter has a safe, happy and stable environment? Should I go get a pitbull lawyer and take custody? Would I win? Would it be worth it? My wife currently has no job, she lives on the money I give her. If she gets custody will my daughter suffer? I hate this. Sunday I went over and picked up my daughter for church. I asked my wife if our daughter had eaten breakfast yet. So instead of answering me, she turns around and asks our daughter if she ate breakfast!! COME ON!! She didn’t even make breakfast for her! I told her that I would have her back around 1230 or 1 depending on when church let out. I had her there at 1220. Surprise! No wife. I had a dread filling me when I called her cell phone figuring she would be somewhere else and not able to come back for a long time. When she answered, the first thing she said was “You told me 1230.” Not Hi, Hello, How are you. I simply asked her how long she would be because we were at her apartment. She said she would be there shortly. About 15 minutes later she showed up. I asked her if she wanted to go eat lunch somewhere, but she refused. She asked if I wanted to come in for a little while. So I went in and made small talk about nothing for a half hour or so, then went in to work for a couple of hours. I went to bed wishing that I just didn’t have to ever get up again. I had some seriously bad thoughts about ending it all before I fell asleep. I am still here though and still going through the motions. I have been typing on this for 2 days now. I guess I should post it.