Well I slept pretty good last night. When I got home from work I had planned to go to the beach again, but Mother Nature said no I don't think so. I was thundering and lightning pretty hard. So I checked email and surfed a little, made sure my daughter did her homework. Around 4:30 I noticed that my wife was sleeping in my room with the tv on, so I started on dinner. Spaghetti with meatballs, and garlic bread. Of course my daughter refuses to eat spaghetti so I had to make her a hotdog instead. Dinner was ready a little after 5 and I went back to wake my wife up, she was awake, on her cell phone. I told her dinner was ready and when to the table and started eating. I was almost done when she came in and asked me what I had said. After dinner I cleaned up and she loaded the dishwasher, then she went outside and sat on the swing. I noticed through the window that she had her phone in her ear again. Oh well. I went back to my room to watch tv. About 10 minutes later my wife came in the room and closed the door behind her. She lays down on the bed with me and says, "How bad do you want me out of here?" Since I have never lied to her, I wasn't about to start now and told her, "I don't want you out." That kind of blew the wind out of her sails. So I asked her what she had wanted to do. She tells me that she found an apartment for $550 a month. It is a one bedroom so she wouldn't take our daughter with her, but she was wondering if I would pay for it for her. I don't think so! She wants to move out then she can F***ing move out on her own dollar! Although it would probably be for the best for our daughter to do that, but I wouldn't be able to make ends meet paying for her to have an apartment, and then maintaining my household with my daughter. So we ended up talking for an hour or so, her crying and telling me that she wasn't happy because of the pain she is putting me through. I told her I damn sure wasn't happy having to deal with her "adventures" and if it wasn't for the fact that I loved her as much as I do, she would have been kicked out a long time ago. I realize that I probably should have agreed to pay for her rent just to get her out of my house so that I can start living again, but I am a firm believer in that you should try every course of action to maintain a marriage. I went through several divorces with my mother and then my father has had several marriages as well, and I don't want to put my daughter through any pain that she doesn't have to. Maybe this is painful to me, but at least she has both parents at home. I know that isn't the best reason, but it is what I believe. Talk about rambling. Where was I going with this. Ok. So after my wife had cried and we talked, I got the paperwork that I had printed out for filing for divorce here in Florida. I told her she needed to fill it out then I would fill in my stuff as well. We are thinking of doing the rotating custody, that way we both still have primary residence or whatever, and I will be able to stay in base housing. That means that she will be able to have her own room, a good school to attend, a yard to play in, etc. My wife started crying again saying that she wouldn't be able to provide any of that for her. Well duh! After we talked some more and it was time for our daughter to go to bed, things were quiet. I ordered her text books for her for this semester. I have already told her that I would pay for her books as long as she works on her degree. I know, I'm a doormat. But I don't want my daughter to see her mother give up her chance at school just because she doesn't think she can do it. I don't want her to see her mother quit. I went to bed at 9 and my wife came into my bathroom shortly after that. She did her nightly routine instead of fixing her makeup and stuff. Then when she is walking out, she tells me goodnight. ??? She then proceeded to the other room and went to bed. I heard no doors open or close, nothing. She actually went to bed and stayed there. So I guess that is why I slept so good last night.
Thank you all for your supportive comments. I greatly appreciate them, and they help me make it through my day quite frequently. I know that I do some stuff that is self destructive and I thank you for not pointing it out to me. I wish I could help everyone else out with there problems also, but I am really not qualified. I do sometimes have a spurt of inspiration and when I do I try to help. Again, Thank You very much for your kind words and support. They really mean alot to me. Have a nice weekend. Tell the one you love just how much you do love them.
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