I am sitting here thinking about going over to Orlando tonight and starting to feel guilty for leaving my family alone. Of course my wife will either be on her cell phone or just plain gone after she puts our daughter to bed. I wish I could tell her to just pack up and leave. If I hadn't promised her that I wouldn't throw her out till after she finishes at least her Associates degree I probably would. I have been thinking about telling her I'll give her $550 a month and make her car payment for her if she just leaves and doesn't take our daughter with her. It would hurt tremendously at first and I don't know how my daughter would take it, but it would probably be better in the long run.
Now why do I feel guilty? It is almost to the point of my cancelling it and staying at home. My finger does feel naked without my ring on it. I guess it is a sort of security blanket. I keep trying to finger it like I always do and then remember it isn't there.
Time for a meeting. Again. This sucks. Make a nice day.
5 comments:
Go & have FUN!!! You need to take time for yourself!
I found the link to your blog from diosa of the beach's blog.
I read the whole thing.
Dude!
Smokin monkey butts homey!
You gots ta kick that ass to the curb!
You are letting someone else eat all of your self respect.
She doesn't respect you. At all.
And you are consistently losing respect for yourself because you KNOW she doesn't respect you.
You are the guy who pays for everything.
I have an ATM machine too.
And I don't respect it thats for sure. It's just an appliance.
Even months ago when she was telling you she didn't want to give you false hope.
Uhm she was saying, "This isn't going to happen, I don't want you anymore but I am afraid to start over by myself".
At that moment you were very supportive, and what she heard you say was, "You can do what you want, and I will pay for it as long as you don't leave me now OK."
So that is what she is going to do.
My ex-wife did the same thing to me. It finally ended when she went out with her boy"friend" one weeknight, and got so drunk she blacked out, and the next morning when I went to work she didn't get up to watch the kids and my 1 year old and 4 month old got out of the house and my neihbors found them playing in the street and called my parents and my work.
That was also the same day my neihbor told me he had been wathcing my wife make out with her friend in his car in front of my house nearly every night for the last 4 months.
After I went to bed she would get up and meet him outside to have sex in his car right in front of our house at 2 and 3 am.
There is no cure for that.
There is no love in that.
You are an appliance to her.
You mean nothing.
And the longer you let it go on, the less you are going to mean to yourself.
At least when you break it off and tell her to get her shit together, you can stand tall knowing that you did what had to be done.
That noone is going to treat you like furninture anymore.
I'd almost bet if you threw her out, and told her you have had enough of being treated like shit, she would actually HAVE a little more respect for you, and she would start backpedaling and trying to kiss ass to a certain degree.
If that happens then at least you know she has guilt about what she is doing.
If she has guilt about it then you know also that this is something she is willfully doing.
Not just circumstances.
I wore my wedding ring on my keychain for three long years after my divorce.
I thought I was the only person who did that.
Three years is how long it took me to meet someone new and fall in love again.
And she and I took our old wedding bands down to the beach and we threw them into the ocean together.
We started new.
One more thing.
The next time you feel like you want some of her action.
Jump on it!
Just grab her, and say "You are driving me crazy, and I want to f*** a new hole in you!"
Then kiss her like you are trying to steal her teeth.
I bet you'll be in like flynn.
If not, you took your shot and you know for fact that the poon train has left the station.
Sometimes you just have to let a woman know how badly you want it,and take control of the situation, and that in itself is a turn on.
For the love of Pete I'm not tellin you to rape anyone.
Just sayin, if you want it. Go get it. If she says no she says no and stop.
Otherwise you haven't lost anything.
Hi - I would like to introduce to my co worker Butterbone. He is really shy at first. :)
Oh my goodness.
I am have started reading your blog too.
I don't want to get started.
I want to give you both a big hug and take you out for ice cream or something.
There was something I wanted to ask you!
You said you couldn't imagine "doing" your DH sober, and I found that statement very odd and compelling.
If you don't want to answer, I'm not going to hound you.
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