TGIF

Thank God its Friday! I am ready for the weekend to start. The meeting I had to attend yesterday afternoon was a waste of time. He initially directed us to get this information, then when we present it to him, it isn't what he wants to hear so he has to justify each and every little thing to us. We didn't give a damn if he felt justified in doing some of the things he did or not. He asked for the information, we gave it to him. We finally finished up around 1730. I got home shortly before 1800. When I was changing clothes my wife came in, and said something to the effect that, it wasn't what I thought and there is a reason she wasn't wearing her wedding ring. So she goes in the bathroom and comes out holding her ring and walking towards me. I got really scared thinking she was going to hand it to me and tell me she would no longer be wearing it. My heart started racing and I started to lose all thought processes. Then she gets close enough to me and starts shaking it. Turns out the diamond is loose. Well shit! What the hell was she thinking scaring the crap out of me like that?! Maybe she just wanted to see what my reaction would be. So anyway, she went to the gym shortly after that. My daughter and I had some leftovers. Actually my daughter refused to eat leftovers so I had them and she had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich that she requested. OK. Not the most nutritious dinner, but at least she ate the whole thing. When momma came home later she brought a salad that she picked up at the store for her dinner. Our daughter conned her into giving her some of it. Which is very surprising since she has almost completely refused to eat salad for many years. I guess she was really hungry. She just didn't want me cooking for her I guess. When she went to bed I did too, since I had to get up early for another meeting. This one started at 0700 this morning. Someone needs to start thinking about getting a damn life! So today I have my wifes ring in my pocket so that I can get the stone tightened at lunch, and have been trying to find a local jewelry store that can do it while I wait. I guess as long as I don't think about things I will be ok. Make a nice day and have a wonderful weekend!

Wondering

Well last night was quiet. I got home from work, and my wife was getting ready for school. We chit chatted for a few minutes, and I told her about the meeting that I got roped into this afternoon at 1630. What a crock of shit! And then I also reminded her that I was helping the girl who was moving to Tennessee pack up her moving truck on Friday. I asked her if she wanted to go eat at the new Crab Shack down the road on Saturday. She said that sounded like a good idea. Then she left for school. When she got home it was a little after 10 and I was in bed. Around 11 I went to see if the door was locked and if she had fallen asleep in the living room. Turns out she was on her computer and texting on her cell phone at the same time. I just went back to bed. When I woke up this morning she was in bed with me.

I got to thinking again yesterday evening, and I am wondering if she has started seeing a woman instead of a man. That would make more sense as to some of the comments she has made. If that is the case, then I could deal with her staying with me and seeing a woman. I wonder if she feels that she can only love one person at a time. But then again she hasn't ever really been friendly with women. When we first got married she asked me if I wanted to try a threesome with another woman. I thought that she was testing me to see if I would cheat on her, and I told her that I didn't think I would be able to keep up with two women. Now I wonder if she wanted another woman to play with for herself. Of course this could just all be a fantasy my mind is coming up with in order to feel better about her not loving me anymore. Make a nice day.

Dazed and Confused

So far today I am still feeling dazed and confused. I just don't know what to do or where to go. I know that when she does leave me I will be shattered. Even though I know it is coming. How pathetic is that? My heart hurts now. I need to find a good counselor to go talk to. Or a prostitute. I guess you could say that they are they same thing. They both take money from you and you learn about how you get screwed.

Stoopiditie

Last night sucked big time. I came home from work and my wife was on her cell phone in her work out clothes, starting dinner. She tells me, this needs to cook longer, and that is in the microwave, and the water is just starting for this, I'm going to the gym. Then leaves. WTF just happened? So I was hurt and angry to say the least. Unfortunately I took it out on my daughter. Just snapping at her and being generally grumpy. I have to apologize to her today at lunch. When my wife got home around 8 she went into the bedroom and started on her studying or homework or whatever it was. My daughter stunk because she had been outside playing, so I told her she needed to clean up. She ignored me because I went outside to the swing and moped around. About 8:30 I went in and she hadn't done anything so I went in the bedroom and told my wife that our daughter stunk and needed to clean up. She told me to tell her to go wash up. I told her that I already had and that she needed to do something. I went back out to the swing. At 9 I came in, my daughter did have her pj's on, but hadn't brushed her teeth or anything. I got her started on her brushing and went in the bedroom. My wife was in there texting on her cell phone. I told her that after our daughter was in bed I was going to bed also and that she needed to get out of the bedroom. She made a comment about that not being very nice. I said something to her to the effect that I was tired of going to bed at night knowing that the woman that I loved more than anything else did not love me, did not desire me, and did not want me. I almost said a few other things, but did manage to hold my tongue. I then walked out to our daughters room. My wife made another comment about how she knew I would get mad eventually, so I reminded her that I had already acknowledged that I would and apologized in advance for when it did happen. So we said prayers with our daughter and I went to bed. Sometime later my wife came in and got her pillow, then went to the spare room and slept there. I was so upset and mad last night that I forget to set up the coffee, or take out the trash. This morning I woke up alone and no coffee ready. Bummer. I said screw it and got ready for work. I opened the door to the spare room before I left and whispered to my wife that I was sorry for how I acted last night. On my way to work I stopped and got some coffee, then brooded over it at my desk. Finally about 10 after 8 I called home and she picked up on the first ring, so I know she moved back into the bedroom and went back to bed. So I told her that I was sorry for the way I acted and that I was hurt and upset, etc. She then tells me it doesn't matter. Maybe to her it doesn't matter, but to me it does. So I still feel like shit, because to her it just doesn't matter. My feelings just don't matter.

Launch and Lunch

Well the launch was really neat to see. We all went across the street to the beach and watched from there. The crowd out there was huge. I don't think I have ever seen the beach that crowded.

So lunch wasn't alot of fun. I got something to eat and went back to the bedroom where my wife was sitting doing her homework. We chit chatted for a few minutes then she asked me if I had put any thought into how we would go about our separation. She definitely caught me off guard. I had hoped that things were getting better, but once again I have no idea how women think. So I told her that I had not given it any thought because it hurt too much to think about. So we were talking some more and she did state that she would be leaving me. She just didn't know how long it would be until that time came. Probably either september or october. I don't know what I will do then. I told her that I was willing to try to work on our compatibility because she said we were completely opposite, and have always been. She told me that she probably should have already left so that the pain would be over quicker. I have a problem with that though, because I keep thinking that maybe there is a chance she will change her mind. She swore at lunch that she wouldn't change her mind and I asked her how long I should wait in case she did. She told me that I shouldn't wait, and that if she did change her mind there were two things that could happen then. 1, I would be over her and involved with someone else, so too bad for her. Or 2, I wouldn't be involved with anyone else and I would be happy to have her back in my life. I have been having a hard time not breaking down here at work since lunch today. I had a meeting right when I got back so I was involved and not able to think about my personal life going to hell in a handbasket for a little while. Now that it is over, well here I am, typing it all into my diary. I did tell her that I do still love her, and that it is very difficult for me to just pretend that I don't. When I left to come back to work I again told her that I loved her very much and I probably always would. I have to stop now. I don't think I can keep typing much longer.

Launch Day Take two!!

Well they are supposed to launch today. Again. Hopefully it will go today. I am really looking forward to seeing it go up. Less than an hour to go as I type this. I hope they are going to cut us loose so that we can go watch it. I may have to settle for going down to the North end of the building where there are windows.

Recap of yesterday. I got home from work and talked to my wife for a little bit before she left for class. Then I heated up some dinner for my daughter and I. Then I made her go to the beach with me. She didn't want to go, but she hadn't been out of the house all day long. Just vegged in front of the TV. So we go to the beach and watched the waves for awhile. She started collecting some shells and found a small piece of driftwood, then we went home. She then decided that she would play out in the tree out front. Good. I checked email and did some surfing for a little while. She came in about 7:30, and I noticed that she smelled pretty bad so I made her go take a shower. She takes forever in the shower. It was almost 8:30 by the time she got out. I got her hair brushed and off to bed on time. She was still awake when my wife came home at 10. My wife came in the bedroom for a few minutes then went out to the living room to look over the test and quiz she got back last night. I fell asleep and was sleeping good until I got woke up a little after midnight by my wife hitting me. I couldn't figure out why she was hitting me, so I just moved all the way over to the edge of my side. I guess I was too far over towards her side. I asked her about it this morning and she said sha wasn't hitting me, just pushing me to get me to move over. Yeah ok. After I got back from PT we were talking a little as I got ready for work, and she was talking about what the guy in her class that sits next to her said. The conversation was about how women get fat after they get married and have kids. He said he was going to marry a hot soccer mom, and leered at my wife. My wife looked at him and asked him how old he was. 23. She told him that her oldest daughter would be turning 18 next month and she was more his age. I told my wife at this point that he would probably be disappointed, because her oldest isn't nearly as hot as her. She told me she was glad that I had that point of view, otherwise she would be worried about it. I only told her the truth.

So this morning at PT we got to play dodgeball. Man those small ones hurt to get hit with. I took one to the back right side of my neck and ear. My ear was ringing for several minutes. My neck still has a mark on it. I got hit on my left pectoral also. Nice round red spot there. All in all it was alot of fun. I better end this for now. I hope to be able to take off and go watch the launch soon. Make a nice day!!

Weekend

Well the weekend is over. Friday night we went to dinner at the Olive Garden. After we got home, I went and rested on the bed for awhile, and my wife studied in the living room. About 7 she comes in and says she is going to the beach, she'll be back in a little while. Uh huh. Our daughter goes to bed at 9. I had to put her to bed by myself. She kept asking where momma was and when would she be coming home. She kept getting up out of bed and finally asked if momma was coming back ever. I know she feels that something isn't right at home, but there is nothing her or I can do about it. When my wife came home about 10, I told her she needed to talk to our daughter because of what she had asked. I don't know if she did or not since I was already in bed. Saturday was a birthday party that our daughter went to. They had a bowling party. My wife and I actually had a good time together bowling. She did call me Honey, but I don't know if it was to "keep up appearances" or not. It made me feel good either way. So anyway we left our daughter at the other girls house so they could play for awhile. My wife went grocery shopping and I sat at the house. About 3 my daughter called and asked to be picked up at 4. No problem there. My wife got home from the grocery store about 3:30 and I told her what our daughter had requested. At 5 till 4 my wife is on her cell phone and says to me, "Can you pick up KKKKKKK?" I have to go somewhere for about 10 minutes. Yeah right. I wanted to ask "10 minutes your time, or 10 minutes real time?" But once again I didn't. She left still on the phone, and I went and picked up our daughter. When we got back it was 15 minutes later and no wife. Big surprise. Half hour later she comes home and says, "sorry" Yeah I could feel the sincerity in that. Rest of the evening was pretty much stay in your corner and I'll stay in mine. I went to bed and was trying to stay awake for SNL, but didn't make it. So everything is all quiet at 0345 in the morning, when suddenly her cell phone receives a text message. I have requested that she turn it off at night because I don't want to get woken up by it. She actually gets up takes her phone and goes in the bathroom to read it and probably answer it. She carries this damn phone around with her everywhere like it is a security blanket. If these are "just friends" why does she feel the need to do this? I have "just friends" but I don't wait for them to message me. So Sunday, I take our daughter to church and my wife took herself to the beach. Again. She was actually home by the time we got back from church. I decided to take some personal time myself and changed into shorts and a t-shirt and just left. I didn't even bother to say goodbye or anything. I went to the beach found a nice quiet place away from everyone else, and sat there and cried. I can't even tell you what started it, but I was sitting there and it just started. So after about an hour, I went home and mowed the yard. Sweating profusely covers up evidence of crying by the way. I went in and cooled down, then took a shower. Dinner turned out to be a pasta and lettuce salad. After dinner she decided to go sit out on the swing and do her homework. I looked out there after about a half hour and she is on her cell phone, chatting away. Homework my ass, she just wanted to be able to talk to her "friends". I kept my mouth shut and went to bed about 10 pm. I turned the tv off about 10:45 and went to sleep. When she came to bed I don't know. This morning as I was getting ready for work and she was still sleeping, I told her how I was feeling. I know that she didn't hear me, but I have to be able to tell her how I feel once in awhile, without making her mad and running away. I just wish that I didn't really love her as much as I do. I wish I could just shut my emotions off, and pretend that I don't love her anymore. Make a nice day.

Lunch- Ham and Cheese

Well guess what I had for lunch? I went home for lunch about 15 minutes earlier than I usually do to find that my wifes car was gone. No big deal. As I'm unlocking the door, my daughter opens it. WTF?!?! So I asked "Where's momma?" "She went for a wlk on the beach." "How long has she been gone?" "A half hour." No looking at the clock or anything. So naturally I ask, "What time did she leave?" "I don't know. I didn't look at the clock when she left." So how come she said a half hour. I wonder if momma is telling her that if daddy comes home before she gets there, just tell me that she has only been gone a half hour. If so, that is a pretty shitty thing to do to your own kid. She's only 9 years old!! So when my wife did get home about 15 minutes later, (right about the time that I normally get home) I proceed to let her know that her leaving our daughter home alone does not make me happy. So she comes up with several reasons why its ok. (She was left alone when she was 7. She also has 4 siblings that were with her then.) She didn't want to go, she is sick and didn't feel like going. There were several. It still pisses me off. I cooled down after a while, and asked if she wanted to go to Olive Garden for dinner which she readily agreed to. As long as we go early enough to avoid having to wait. Thats fine with me. We are in Florida where all the old people are who end up eating so early that they have breakfast the night before!

So I get back to work and I guess I just looked unhappy, because my boss starts asking me questions about how things are going at home, etc. So far he is the only person that I have confided everything in. I have told him stuff that I haven't put here. Course there is some stuff that is in here that I won't tell him. I think I am starting to spend too much time typing shit into this blog. My typing ability has increased quite a bit recently. Time to go.

TacoGirl, Thank you for your insight. I realize that she has to work things out for herself, and for that matter so do I. I just have to keep being happy that I wake up every morning. Have a wonderful weekend.

Happily Depressed

Well I'm happy that it is Friday, but I am depressed because I started thinking. Thats a bad thing to do, I don't recommend it. What I started thinking about was the fact that my wife was married before. This is her third marriage, but I am her second husband. What does that mean? That she loved her first husband enough to give him a second chance after divorcing him the first time. She remarried him, but it only lasted a few years. So, did she love him more than me? Did that turn her against giving men a second chance? Does she not truly love me? I feel so sad and pathetic today. I gotta give up thinking. All it does is depress me.

So last night when I got home from work, dinner was almost ready. It was a good dinner too, not some frozen dinner that had been heated up. So we talked a little at the dinner table, had a couple laughs, then I went to school. I did well enough on the test. I got a 90, which gave me an overall grade for the class of an A, so I won't be taking the final. Whoo hoo! When I got home she was ready to go to the gym, and left a few minutes later. I surfed the web for awhile and then got my daughter into the shower. As she was getting finished with cleaning up all her junk that she spreads out through the house all day, my wife came home from the gym. Surprised me, since it was only a few minutes after 9, and the gym doesn't close till 9. I didn't expect her home till closer to 9:30. So I get my daughter in bed, say her prayers and sing to her, then my wife came in to kiss her goodnight. I finished my chores and went in the bedroom and read. I have no idea when she came to bed. It is funny that now that I have almost zero physical contact with other human beings, that I crave it so much. All I really want is to hold my wife and to be held by her for a little while. Just some physical contact is all I want. How sad is that. I need to go. Make a nice day!

After

So at lunch, I went home. Nobody there. No biggie. I heated up a burger from last night and started reading some more Harry Potter. My wife and daughter camae home shortly thereafter. I finished the burger and my wife decided she wanted one so she was eating that. When she finished she started naming things that she needed to do. Then she got to "Go to the gym this evening" and I asked her, "What I don't get to go celebrate the last night of class afterwards?" Then she starts with the I thought you had a couple more nights to go, etc.. routine. No bother to me really, it's not like I am a big partier or anything. I guess I said it just to get her to think about the possibilty that I won't always be there so she can run off and do whatever she wants, whenever she wants.

I am going to have to get my A/C looked at in my car. It is starting to be temperamental. It only runs when it feels like running. When it does work it blows cold air, but when it doesn't, it is hot! The A/C place says it is hard to troubleshoot an electrical problem in A/C systems. Translation = Lots of $$$. Time to do something else that makes me look busy!

Title

Wow, good title today. Just didn't feel like trying to think up something interesting. When I got home from work yesterday, I asked my wife if she was going to attend a wedding that we have been invited to in Sept. She didn't answer me , so I put down that two people would be attending. Then she told me, "You can take a date!" So I asked her to find me a female to take. She starts going on about the 17 year old girl who sits in front of her in her Statistics class. The girls mom is in the class also. I asked her what the mom would think if she asked the girl if she would go on a date with her husband. She said, "I'll just ask the mom if its ok with her." Then I told her I didn't want another woman to go with me, to which she responded that I could do so much better. We went back and forth like that a few times. I'm thinking that she is still going through some mild depression from a midlife crisis. I wish she could see herself through my eyes, just for a few minutes. I hope that she doesn't continue to feel the desire to move out and leave me, or if she does that she decides that she was wrong about it and returns to me soon. Am I insecure about her? Yes I am. I am very afraid of losing her, but I realize that she isn't a possession, but a human being that decides for herself what she needs to do. She just doesn't realize how much of my heart she has. So anyway, after she went to school, I grilled some hamburgers for me and my daughter for dinner. I didn't realize that my wife had purchased oversize buns and when I cooked the patties they were rather small compared to the buns. Lovely. My daughter wasn't feeling well last night and we were out of the kids Robitussin stuff, so we went to the store to get some, and she was all paranoid about making someone else sick. Then she didn't want to take it when we got home. I got a little ticked off at her, since she is 9 not 3. I told her that if she didn't want to take it that was fine with me, but that I didn't want to hear her whine or complain about not feeling good since it was her choice that would cause her to be miserable. She decided to go ahead and take it. About 9:45 my wife called and asked if I had gotten some medicine, since she was picking up a prescription for herself on the way home from class. I told her that I had and assumed that she would be home shortly since the pharmacy she uses is right down the street about a mile. She didn't get home till 10:45. I was almost asleep by then, so it woke me up when she flipped on the light. Thanks. This morning as I am drinking my coffee, my wife got up early enough to come out and talk to me. Hmm. So she started telling me about some stuff that happened in class last night, and how she did on her quiz, etc. It was nice having company in the morning again. Well I need to post this and get back to work. Make a nice day!

Interesting

So I went to a going away luncheon today. The girl got pregnant and chose to get out instead of staying in. Her choice. Anyway, she wasn't a petite girl to begin with, she had some meat on her, but she had a rather large bra size. Well now that she is pregnant, guess what? Yep, they are really, really big! When I went to tell her goodluck and goodbye, she pulled me into a really tight hug. I could stand to play with her. Since she isn't married and the guy that got her that way isn't around anymore, I think she needs some help, if you know what I am referring to. She alluded to that to me anyway. Some comments just shouldn't be said.

I went home after that to drop off my leftovers, my wife was studying and getting burnt out. I was talking to her for a few minutes and realized that she wasn't wearing a bra. She kept staring at me and her nipples started getting hard. They showed up real nice in the top she was wearing. The more we talked the more she stared and the harder her nipples got. I finally had to leave, even though I was enjoying the view and her paying attention to me. Maybe there is hope after all. Of course she could of just been thinking about something else entirely. I don't know. I sure wish I could read minds!!

School

Last night at school was not a lot of fun. The instructor gave us three word problems to solve. Normally I am the first one done. I only got two of them done before he called time. Which was 45 minutes later. Uh. I feel slow. Course I did get farther than anyone else, so maybe I'll do alright on the test tomorrow. The instructor did tell us that there would only be one word problem on the test and it would be one of "these". Which is basically our homework from that section. I get the feeling that he will change the numbers a little bit, but then again he might not. Guess I'll find out tomorrow night. So anyway, when I got home from work, my wife informed me that she didn't have any dinner for me to eat and asked if I would eat a grilled ham and cheese. Sure. I had ham and cheese for lunch, but anything I don't have to cook myself is ok with me. She was already in her gym clothes, since she just put them on after taking a shower from going to the pool. When I got home from school I saw that the women were playing the championship softball game down the street, so I rounded up my daughter, told my wife goodbye and we left to go watch them play. My units team won btw. When we went home I went to open the door and it just pushed open. My wife failed to ensure that the door latched when she shut it. Oh well. Not like we have anything really worth anything. I told my wife when she got home that she had failed to close the front door.

The radio station I listen to (www.realrock101.com) is out of Orlando and they have this Latina chick that does the traffic report. (They have live streaming audio on the site also.) All the DJ's say she is smoking hot and they are trying to get a picture of her in a bikini to post on the website. I hope they do because she just sounds like she is super hot. I don't usually go for latina or black chicks, mostly because of the attitude they give all the time. There have been a few that don't do it, but they are few and far between.

Back to last night, when my wife got home she went into the bedroom to continue studying, which was fine with me, since I was reading. Bedtime comes close and I do my chores, (litter box, trash, feed the cat,etc.) and go into the bedroom. She is still studying, so I got ready for bed and laid down and continued reading. About 2230 she decides to go into the living room to continue studying so I could go to sleep. That was nice of her. I turned the TV on to keep me company till I fell asleep. I don't know when she came to bed, but I was asleep so don't really care. I guess thats enough of my scattered ramblings today. Maybe after lunch I'll make another post.

Make a nice day!

After lunch

Having a bit of a hard time after lunch today. Just getting depressed I guess. I got home for lunch and saw that my wife was not home. I figured she took our daughter to the pool or something. I open the door and there is our 9 year old daughter. By herself. I asked where momma was, she said she didn't know. She didn't hear where momma told her that she was going. I asked her how long she had been gone. My daughter tells me about a half hour. Great. I made a ham and cheese sandwich. My daughter didn't want one. She was being grumpy. I left her watching the TV. What a great babysitter that device is. About 15 minutes later my wife comes in. She has the mail and the floor plan to the new house we are supposed to be getting. Some bad news also. They have changed the house that we are supposed to get. They did have us scheduled for a 4 bedroom house, but a family came in that needed the 4th room, so we got moved to a 3 bedroom house. Oh well such is life. It's just down the road a few houses. Anyway my wife started changing into her swimsuit so she could take our daughter to the pool. She had nothing on the bottom just a shirt on top that she sort of posed in for me. I got a nice peep show, then when she started to take her top off she didn't want me to watch her. WTF? I paid for those, I should get to see them once in awhile! So a short story I stuck around and got to see them in all their glory anyway. Then a few minutes later she came to me and asked me to sunscreen her back for her. I was glad to do it. Seems rather sad that the only physical contact I get with another human being is putting sunscreen on my wifes back. Pretty sad that it gave me a hardon that still hasn't gone down almost two hours later. Talk about walking funny at work. Maybe I need to go read Tacogirls first post again and then go to the bathroom to clean up... Hmmm. Thats an idea...

Yuck

Had a decent evening yesterday. My daughter played with the neighbor boy until he and his dad went somewhere. It was time for her to come in anyway. I sat and read the first 5 or six chapters of the new Harry Potter book. My wife came home from class and we chatted a little. Actually she was asking me questions while I was trying to read. Why does she do that? She won't talk to me if I am sitting there waiting for her to converse with me. She has to wait until I am watching a TV show that I want to watch or reading a book. Do all women do that? I grew up, pretty much the only male in the house. I lived with my mom, sister, and later on, two step sisters. I don't remember them doing that to me. Course I didn't know women farted until I got to my first duty station in Germany either! That was a shocker. My sponsor picked me up at the airport in Hamburg and as she merged onto the autobahn, she leaned over and let one rip. It was bad too. Here was this girl I had known for maybe a half hour letting one rip in a closed car. I was definitely in shock. Of course it was a tactical unit though, so she was tougher than a lot of guys. She actually carried an M-60 when we went to the field. Enough reminiscing though. I guess I should really pretend I am doing some work. Make a nice day!

Weekends are too short

I woke up this morning before the alarm went off and realized that I did not want to come in to work today. Or ever again really. I could stand to win the lottery and never have to work again. The weekend was fairly quiet. We had dinner together on Friday, I don't even remember what my wife made, but it was pretty good. Saturday morning she went to the gym. I was mowing the yard when she came home. She informed me that she had to go grocery shopping and that she most definitely was not taking our daughter with her. Ok. So I go back to mowing the yard and a few minutes later my daughter come out with the phone. Turns out there is a problem here at work and I need to come in now. I went in to tell my wife, she has the bathroom door locked. So I yelled at her to get her attention and let her know that I had to go in to work. Pissed her off. Too Fucking Bad!! So anyway I go in to work and have to spend a couple hours there. I am on my way home and see my wifes car in the parking lot of the grocery store. I debated going in to get my daughter, but I stunk from when I was mowing the grass and decided to go on home and finish. By the time my wife got home with the groceries I had finished the yard and taken a shower. So she must have just gotten to the store when I went by. Oh well. She informed me about a half hour later that she forgot something and had to go back. LIE!!! Why can't she just tell me the truth? I was in the bedroom doing my homework when she got back. She wanted to go get pizza for dinner, which was cool with me. We went to a large chain place, and went to sit down. Normally my wife sits on the side with my daughter and I sit by myself on the other side. Our daughter decided that she wanted to sit by herself, so my wife had to put up with sitting next to me during dinner. Which was ok, we had a decent enough time. When we got home I went back to working on my homework and she went to work on hers. I finished my homework and watched TV while laying in bed. We put our daughter to bed and then I went to bed myself. On Sunday my wife went to her volunteer work at the homeless shelter. I got up and surfed the internet for awhile, then got ready for church. After church we got home and ate lunch, my wife was doing more homework. I took my daughter and we went over to my supervisors house because his wife was having a problem getting pictures transferred off her new digital camera. My daughter played with their dogs. While I was there my wife called my cell phone and informed me of a birthday party at one of the local kids houses that my daughter had been invited to. It was near where I was, but since my daughter didn't have her swimsuit, I had to go all the way back home and then back across town. To sum it up she had a good time, some of the mom's were drunk, and since I was the only dad there, they felt comfortable talking about some things in front of me that made me uncomfortable. Yay, fun! Time to go to work I guess. Now that everybody knows what a boring weekend I had. Sorry you made it all the way through this to find that it was pointless!! :)

The world is starting to spin

Last night was interesting. When my wife came to bed, she started talking to me about her living with me still. She said she felt guilty because she sees how it makes me feel. I thought "Hey at least your conscience works!" I didn't say it, just thought it. We went on talking for a while, I think she was fishing for me to throw her out or something. I told her that she could stay with me as long as she wanted, it was her choice. I also told her again that I loved her but I didn't own her and didn't control her. So it was her choice whether she wanted to stay living in my house or find somewhere else to live. A little bit after that she told me that I should start seeing other women. Yeah right. I'll run right out and have an "affair" I told her I felt guilty just talking to other women. Then she told me that I sure didn't feel guilty about talking to my friend "Angel". I know she has told me that she forgives me for that indiscretion, but they way she said it told me that she still harbors ill feelings about it. It's not like I actually did anything with her. Just some explicit emails and fantasy. When she told me that it hurt her I stopped talking to Angel completely. I didn't even send her an email telling her goodbye or explaining anything. Just stopped. So anyway last night when she said that I again apologized for my actions in that and told her again that it wasn't that I intended to cheat on her or anything. So we continued talking, and I asked her for any tips she might have on dating. She said "Wear a condom!" WTF? I told her I wanted dating tips, not fucking tips. To which she said, "It's pretty much the same thing nowadays." Then added, "Not that I know anything about that." I almost asked her if she wanted to go on a date right then. I didn't though. We talked some more and then finally went to sleep. I thought of something that may help us move on with our lives this morning. She has Monday's, Wednesday's, and Friday's, while I have Tuesday's, Thursday's, and Saturday's to do what we want. Be that school go out, or whatever. With Sunday's being the "family day". I guess it would also be sort of an "open marriage" as well. I sure am using a lot of quotation marks today. I guess I will need to bring this up to my wife and see if she is willing to try that. Make a nice day for yourself and remember, "Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life. For better or worse. God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way. Look for God in others."

Dang it!!

Well yesterday was a bust! I was all set to watch the launch. Then they cancelled it. I even went home from work early just for that. Oh well. Maybe Saturday. Yesterday was pretty uneventful after that. I am thinking of asking my wife one more time if she wants to "take care of each others itch" on a loveless level. After all she is the one who said it was just sex. I figure she is already getting it scratched elsewhere, but before I go that far I feel that I must give her every opportunity. Maybe an open marriage would work for us. I just don't know. I have a headache that won't go away right now. No it isn't a tumor!! I had planned on going out to lunch instead of going home, but I need to get some Tylenol for my headache. Maybe my wife will be interested in going out to lunch. I doubt it. Time to go I guess.

Launch Day

Well today they are supposed to light the candle on Discovery. That should be fun to see. I am going to go home early and put the video camera on the roof to see if I can tape the launch. Yeah cheesy I know. So what. I haven't seen one since I got here so I want to see it.

Had a decent evening yesterday. Right before I left work my wife called and asked what I wanted from Wendy's for dinner. I got home, changed clothes, rounded up my school books and then she was back with dinner. I had plenty of time to eat before I had to go to school. At school we had a quiz which I aced. That is a good feeling. When I got home from school, my wife went to the gym for an hour and a half or so. I didn't really pay attention to how long she was gone. I don't know if the book I am reading is helping with that or what, but I just wasn't concerned about it. She brought the mail from the P.O. box home since it is right near the gym. I had a bunch of mail. My D&D magazine, Penthouse Letters, and Playboy. I sat there and looked through the Playboy until I was ready to go to bed. I know it has articles, but I don't normally read them. That is what the Penthouse Letters is for! Anyway, the centerfold is ok, but I still have a hankering for Scarlett Keegan, Miss September 2004. You would have to do a google search or pull your old issues out to see why. Not hard to see why once you see her. After that I went to bed and watched the Travel Channel for awhile before I fell asleep. I don't know when my wife came to bed, but she sent an email to my work account about 11:15 last night. OK. Guess I better get to work. Have a nice day!

Dreaming again

Well at lunch I told my wife about my strange dream and she informed me that it wasn't a dream. Why she allowed it to go on as long as she did I can't figure out. Maybe she still feels the need for some bodily contact also. I don't know. I told her that it was the best that I have slept in a few months. She said I began tossing and turning again after she told me that it was too hot. I don't remember her telling me that, but I guess so since she got up and went into the other bedroom shortly after that. Lunch was pretty good today. We talked about nonconsequential stuff and laughed some. Guess I better do something that resembles work.

Dreams

I had a weird dream last night. I dreamed that I had a wonderful woman in bed with me who wanted my attention. I was licking and kissing her shoulder before falling asleep snuggled up with her. Evidently I was actually doing that to my wife since she woke up and blew her nose, then basically pushed me off of her. I don't know how long I actually slept like that, but I know it felt really good. When I got home from PT this morning, she was just opening the garage in order to wash her car. She was wearing blue jean shorts and her white bikini top. Damn! For a 42 year old woman I still think she is HOT! She does have some awesome tits. 34DD's are really nice. Expensive too. I should know I paid for them. I just wish I had a chance to play with them. Anyway, I got her to wash the bird crap off my car for me while I got ready for work. It was nice of her to do since she would have sprayed my car anyway. So I signed up for one of those free "fuck buddy" sites. Almost immediately I got an email from a woman about 60 miles away. In the email it said, "I just want dick. Nothing else. If that is good for you, lets chat." Talk about a straightforward woman. I went to check out her profile and it is a picture of her naked, bent over, with her business right there in the camera. Shaved smooth. Nothing hidden. Now I am scared that I might be in over my head. How would I go about meeting her and fucking away? Should I? If I do, would that ruin any chance I might have of saving my marriage? I also got another email from a girl that lists her age at 18. I checked her profile and she is very pretty with really big tata's. She asked why she should choose me, since so many boys have emailed her. Hmm. I didn't email her, and I'm definitely not a boy. Is she looking for a sugar daddy? Should I even consider boning her since she is almost the same age as my step-daughter? Should I even care? Damn this is getting long. I better go. I want to see if Tacogirl has posted yet today. Take care.

Horny

I hate to admit it, but I am getting to the point that if the wind blows right I have a sexual experience. That just doesn't take the edge off it though. I'm still ready for more right after. I think I have come to terms with the fact that my wife no longer wants to be married to me. I wish that she was amenable to booty calls though. Sleeping in the same bed, but not being able to touch her and hold her is killing me. Maybe I'll sign up for one of those online sex date sites and see what I can catch. Or should I wait to go trolling till she moves out? The hand lotion is starting to go fast.

Finally Friday

Its finally Friday. I wonder how early I can escape today. Think they would notice if I didn't come back after lunch? I would have to relaese all my folks though. At least the military ones.

The nephew got here last night. It was around 8:30 when he finally got here. I think my wife is going to go with him, while he hunts for an apartment. I think she probably has ulterior motives since she can't really go apartment hunting with our daughter unless she decides to finally tell her what is going on. I wish she would tell me what is actually going on. Sometimes she acts like she hates me and can't stand to be around me, then other times she acts like happy suzy homemaker.

On the way home from work yesterday, the radio station I listen to was talking about what a MILF was and then broke it down. My wife is a MILF. When I got home I asked her what station she was listening to and when she acknowledged that it was the same one I informed her that she was a MILF. I got a smile and a laugh from her about it at least.

I suppose I should go act like I am doing something worthwhile.

Why am I here?

I damn sure don't feel like being here today. Although I don't want to be at home either. I feel like whenever I am around my wife she is lying to me and not telling me the whole truth. She says she is going to stay with me until probably Sept sometime. I wonder if her friend's apartment lease comes due then, and they are going to get an apartment together. She says that she hasn't cheated on me, but I have no idea if she is telling me the truth. Do I have any reason to doubt her? No. WHy do I think she may be lying? Gut feeling. Who is going to get hurt the most in this? Our daughter. Her nephew is coming to town today. He is transferring to a college here and wants to find a place to live before school starts. He is a good kid. Well I guess he's not actually a kid, he is in his mid 20's now. I guess I better go do something that looks productive.

Taco's

Tacogirl has been kind enough to leave me some more wonderful words of encouragement. Again. I think she is the only one who reads my blog. Which can be a good thing. She points out that I deserve better than what I am getting, which is true I realize, but then again there is only one side of the story here on my blog. Maybe I am a masochist or something, but I still love my wife even though I am being treated the way I am. Maybe it is karma or something. While I was bored earlier I went and read her entire blog from the beginning. If I had read it earlier I would have been much more interested. She is a redhead. (I have a serious fetish for redheads). She is a "closet porn star". Umm HELL YES!! :) And she only wears thongs. I am in serious lust!

I had some other stuff that I was going to write, but for the life of me I can't seem to think of it. I have a redhead in a thong, making a home video stuck in my head right now. I gotta go to the mens room...

What now?

So yesterday I got home from work and everything was hunky dory. My wife had cooked dinner so I could eat before school. It was good, I cleaned up before I left, said my goodbyes,(she doesn't want me to tell her I love her anymore because it makes her feel guilty) and left for school. I aced my test last night and this chapter looks to be fairly easy. I came home and she started in on me, because she can't take the classes she wants to because they are on the same nights that I will be taking classes. I mean she got pretty loud and vocal about it, then started in on other stuff. I'm sitting there trying to figure out what the hell is going on. Then I got mad, because I realized she is frustrated about something and is taking it out on me, without me being able to figure out what she is frustrated about and no hope for her to apologize and make me feel better about it later. Just taking it out on me. So I got a little loud too. Then she went to the beach for a walk. When she got home about an hour later, she acted like nothing had happened. What the hell is going on? I don't know if I can handle all this stress. I wish I had someone I could talk to face to face. My only friend that I could call and talk to on the phone is in Ecuador doing missionary work. He should be back in August though. Hopefully I can find someone to talk to. I could go see the chaplain, but sometimes I want to say things that wouldn't be appropriate in church or to a chaplain. I can't even tell many people about my blog here so that they can read it and give me advice. If the military folks were to read it I could quite possibly lose my clearance and then I would be in a world of shit. I don't know how much longer I can go on being treated like this. If I didn't love her it would be so much easier.

Cell phone

Well this weekend went ok for the most part. Nobody got hurt anyway. I noticed that my wife has started carrying her cell phone around with her all the time. In the house, outside the house, you name it. It seems as though she gets alot of text messages too. She forgot and left it on the other night. I couldn't figure out what the noise was that kept waking me up during the night. She got probably 5 messages during the night. She claimed she didn't get any. I didn't realize what it was until probably Friday night when we were watching TV and I heard the noise, at which time she pulled her phone out and read the message, then typed for probably five minutes responding to it. On saturday I took my daughter to see Herbie so that my wife could go look at an apartment. I think she might have realized that she can't afford to live on her own around here. It was probably stupid of me, but I offered to "rent" her a room. She would tak care of the housework, grocery shopping, child care, etc. In exchange she would get her own room, freedom. I guess it would be more of an "open marraige" I suppose. It still hurts that she feels that she has to hide part of her life from me. I just wish she would tell me what her "friends" give to her that I am not. Freedom maybe? Scattered thoughts, but back to Herbie for a minute. I had heard a news story that Disney had gone in and edited Lindsey Lohan to make her boobs appear smaller in the movie. If they did, she must have a really huge rack, because they looked really large on the big screen! I guess I better go before I get in trouble for lusting after a girl that is half my age.